guided by a new era

Myths

Transsexuals are homosexuals who can't accept their sexual orientation.

This is one of those "what the fuck?" stereotypes. It really makes no sense. Why would someone spend thousands upon thousands of dollars to permanently alter their body and place their well-being and life in danger so that they could avoid being gay? There are simpler alternatives for the self-haters who want to rid themselves of their "curse". If someone doesn't want to be gay, but is, they go to reparative therapy*. They don't change their gender, which has a much higher social stigma than being gay.

Transsexuals are just confused. You can't have a different gender from what you were born with.

Gender is not determined by what's between your legs. Someone at Riot Youth told me a great phrase to remind people: "Your sex is between your legs, your gender is between your ears." A lot of people who criticize transsexuals think that your gender and your sex are the same thing, and can't possibly be different. There is no way that someone can "feel" like a boy or a girl and not "physically be" a boy or a girl, they say. Those transsexuals just don't know what they're talking about.

These kinds of statements are some of the more arrogant ones I've come across. Apparently, transsexuals don't know their own gender, but other people do. Complete outsiders feel like they have the right to tell someone that they are not, in fact, the gender they identify as, because the outsider in question knows that said person has the gentials of one gender. Therefore, they are that gender. It's bullshit, but so many otherwise kind people say those very sorts of things. It's boggling for me.

If you don't want to be marginalized by society, then don't choose to be transsexual.

Don't you love the, "It's only a choice, just deal with how intolerant and unwilling I am to accept you, GOD!" arguments? So egocentric.

As I'm sure you've guessed, being trans isn't a choice. And yes, it is a big deal. If you did not feel comfortable in your body, and felt like you were born into the wrong one, would you just "deal with it"? If you hated the body you were living in, and hated how it wasn't you at all, would you just "deal with it"? Most people wouldn't.

Being transgendered isn't some flimsy, flightly thing that transpeople do. It's a part of who they are. You cannot tell a transperson to conform to what or who you think they are, because you are not them, and society is not them.

On surgery

Three terms that I neglected to put in my terms post relate to sex-reassignment surgery (SRS).

• pre-op: A transperson who has not yet had SRS, but plans on it.
  
• post-op: A transperson who has had SRS.
  
• non-op: A transperson who has not had SRS and does not want to have SRS. Many transpeople are perfectly happy to keep the genitals they already have. This does not make them any less transsexual, or any less the gender they identify as. Remember, your sex is between your legs and your gender is between your ears.

* Please note that this is no way means that I advocate reparative therapy. Frankly, I think it's a load of extremely harmful bullshit, not just for those who participate, but also for those who listen to the assholes flinging said participants around to make money off of their gay-hating "therapy".
** I'm going to explain the importance of wording these things in a later post.

Okay, now information about transitioning. I want to make this an open-question post, because there is SO much information about transitioning, for either gender, that I don't think I could cram it into a post and still inform everyone well. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, post whatever questions you have about transitioning, and I will answer them. The point of these posts is to educate, and I can definitely do that if you all ask me questions. So ask away.

One two three GO!

First, a lot of people don't know a thing about genderqueers. There aren't a lot of myths about them because nobody's ever heard of them. There are still several problems they have to deal with from other people, though.

Can't you just pick one?

This is where genderqueers and bisexuals can empathize with each other. Since they fall in between two "extremes" that society expects, they are often told that they are confused or going through a phase, and ought to just pick one because some peopple simply can't wrap their heads around the idea of not being male or female (or the idea of being attracted to more than one gender). And when you're raised to think that's all there is and it's set in stone, it's to be expected. But it should also be expected that you adapt to such mind-melting feats of trend-defiance.

You're just confused. You don't have to change your gender to be a tomboy.

Certain people have said this before, and I want to make it very, very clear that being a tomboy and tomboyish-ness has nothing to do with being transgendered. It has plenty to do with gender identity, but not transgenderism. There is a huge difference between a tomboy and a transman or a genderqueer. Tomboys are female-identified but don't conform to female-gender stereotypes. Genderqueers and transmen don't identify as women at all.

You're still a girl/boy, though.

Er, no. Again, your body doesn't determine your gender, your mind does. Your body determines your sex. So yes, most genderqueers do have male/female bodies, but that has nothing to do with how they identify, and whatever they have between their legs shouldn't determine how they act or present themselves. Really people, I thought we were above literalism.

Pronouns

A rather complicated part of being a genderqueer is pronouns. Since many languages only have pronouns for male and female, genderqueers are kind of stuck. I know many people just use the "birth pronouns" they grew up calling their genderqueer friends/relatives, and while it makes sense to us and doesn't seem to do any harm, it's not so easy for the genderqueer in question. I don't suppose a ciswoman would want people using male pronouns to reference her, and in the same way genderqueers don't want people using the wrong gender pronouns for them. There are several sets of English, gender-neutral pronouns out there on the Internets. According to this super-amazing FAQ:

Depending on how one counts, there are between three and five active groups. The two most popular seem to be "sie, hir, hir, hirs, hirself", (especially "hir"), and "zie, zir, zir, zirs, zirself". The latter apparently came into being after a German-speaking netizen objected to "sie" and "Sie", which in many contexts means "she" in German. Third and fourth, differing only in the first and maybe last word, are "e or ey, em, eir, eirs, eirself or emself".

I've seen a combination of the first two used a lot in communities like queer_rage. And estelendur, a fourth-year latin student, came up with hir own set(s) of gender neutral pronouns.

Respect from Others

From what I've heard from the few genderqueers that I know, one of the toughest parts of being an androgyne is that people have a very hard time ignoring what they perceive the androgyne-in-question's gender to be. I know a LOT of people still view the genderqueers they know as the gender they were assigned at birth, and refer to them as such. It's very hard, apparently, for most people to understand the concept of being in between genders, because gender and the gender dichotomy are a large cornerstone of society. They still see genderqueers as being their "birth gender", and cannot see them anyway else. And a lot of people, who don't bother trying to be well-meaning or accepting, simply are too lazy to try to respect genderqueers' gender identity.

Sorry this has all been so late, you all...I'll try to get more posts up this weekend, but that's no guarantee. How have you guys been liking my latest posts on the subject?

I'm going to start my posts about transpeople with a long list of transgender-related terms, and post about genderqueers later today.

• gender dichotomy: This is kind of hard to define. Basically, it's the perceived existence of only two genders (male and female), and it's also the system that tries to keep them separate and establish gender roles and traditions. You know, "girls act like this, boys act like that", based solely on their gender.
  
• gender: Gender is a mental identity. While most people's gender matches their sex, the two are NOT interchangeable words, even though they've been used as such. Your gender is how you present yourself in relation to the gender dichotomy, whether that be female, male, in between, neither or a combination of both.
  
• sex: Determined by your reproductive organs, basically.
  
• transgender: This is an umbrella term used to refer anyone with what is deemed by society as an "unconventional" gender identity. "Transgender" can apply to genderqueers, transmen, transwomen, transvestites, cross-dressers...the list goes on.
  
• transsexual: Someone who seeks to change their sex. Despite having "sexual" in the name, transsexuality is not a sexual orientation. I say this because CNN only figured this out this past August.
  
• transvestite: A cross-dresser. A drag king or queen. So no, transvestite isn't synonymous with transsexual.
  
• "she-male": Very offensive term used against transgendered people.
  
• tranny: Another hate word. Please don't use it unless you're reclaiming it, or have some odd desire to seen as an anti-trans bigot.
  
• hermaphrodite: Hermaphrodite is generally a word you don't use for humans. A hermaphrodite is something born with both male and female sex organs. However, when used to refer to someone is transgendered, it's very offensive.
  
• FTM/F2M: Short for female-to-male transsexual. A.K.A., a man born in a woman's body.
  
• MTF/M2F: Short for male-to-female transsexual. A.K.A., a woman born in a man's body.
  
• androgyne/genderqueer: Someone who identifies as in between, neither, or a combination of, the two genders in the gender dichotomy.
  
• Transphobia: Prejudice or discrimination against transgendered people.
  
• Cisgender: Someone whose gender "matches" his or her sex. A non-transgendered person.
  
• Passing: The stage in a transperson's transition in which they start to "pass" for their real gender; in other words, they are recognized as the gender they present themselves as by other people.
  
• transwoman/transman/transperson: A shortened way of saying "transgendered woman/man/person". A transman is FTM, a transwoman is MTF.
  

If you have questions, please, please ask them! :3

Sorry this is late! I was super busy with homework and stuff yesterday.

The Largely Ignored Sexualities

I'm grouping pansexuality and asexuality together in one post because they're both not very well known. There isn't a lot of information about them, and there are hardly any myths too, because nobody knows about them. So, here are some basic terms to remember:

• pansexual/omnisexual: Someone whose attractions aren't determined by gender. There are several ways to explain what pansexuality is, and I'll get into those later.
  
• asexual: As stated by the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, asexual is defined as "a person who does not experience sexual attraction"
  
• aromantic: Someone who is not interested in romantic relationships.
  
• homoromantic/heteroromantic/biromantic/panromantic Someone interested in a romantic relationship, without sex. Whatever the prefix is determines what gender(s) said person is attracted to.
  

Pansexuality - Myths

"Pansexual" means the person in question will have sex with anything.

I really dislike this definition. It's so dumb, and it rubs me the wrong way. Pansexual can be defined many ways, including "Gender doesn't play a role in the attraction", "attracted to all genders and in between" and things like that, but "will fuck anything" is inaccurate and just makes pansexuals sounds like nothing more than sex fiends.

Pansexuals are just bisexuals with a different name.

Bisexuals are attracted to men and women. Pansexuals' attractions, for the most part, aren't determined by gender. For them, gender doesn't matter. It's a very big difference, because bisexuality does NOT include genderqueers and bisexual attractions are, generally, gender-based in some way.

Asexuality - Myths

Asexuals are just going through a phase/It's a problem that can easily be fixed.

This is based on the belief that everyone has a sex drive. As asexuals have proven, this isn't true. But because most people are interested in having sex, people think that means everyone is. So when someone comes out as asexual, they are generally bombarded with quizzical looks and recommendations to go to a doctor, that's not healthy.

Asexuals hate sex.

Asexuality isn't about hating sex. It's about not wanting it. And while there may be some asexual people who really do hate sex, it's not true of all asexual people. Asexuals, like bisexuals, are diverse in their attractions, and you simply can't place any other generalization over them other than "not interested in having sex".

Issues

Like I said before, these two sexualities aren't widely recognized or talked about. And I only know so much about them. So if there are other issues or myths that I have missed, please tell me and I'll add them to this post.

Invisibility

As I've mentioned, no one knows about asexuality and pansexuality. People seem to think it's just gay, bi and straight (and there's the special group of people who think transsexuality is a sexual orientation). Because of this, and because of the small number of visible people who identify as asexual or pansexual, they don't get a lot of representation in the LGBT community. From what I've seen, pansexuality is more recognized than asexuality, since more people think asexuality is just a mental problem that should be "fixed".

(Something I just noticed: Firefox's spellcheck doesn't think "pansexual" is a word.)

Here is the second part of my legal issues post.

Gays in the School

If you want proof that people don't want the homos taught about in school, just look at all the suits filed against school districts for carrying children's books about gay couples. Examples of such books include King and King, And Tango Makes Three and Molly's Family.

There are a lot of parents who don't want their kids learning about homosexuals, mostly because a lot of them believe the myth that homosexuality and gay relationships are somehow more perverted and sexual and inappropriate for children than straight relationships. They also don't want their kiddies "corrupted" by teh homoz. In Fundie Logic™, reading about gay people makes you gay. So I guess I'm converting all of y'all reading this right now.

Of course, this book-banning is limited mostly to elementary schools. For middle and high schools, the problems coming from parents are ones dealing with GSAs. There are school districts that have banned GSAs or not awarded them all the privileges of other school organizations. And even if your GSA is allowed, you still have to deal with assholes doing things like tearing down your posters that you paid hard-earned money to make.

Then, there's the harassment issue. According to The Advocate, there is a lot of harassment of gay teens at school.

An unsettling number of lesbian, gay, and bisexual teens are being bullied at school due to their sexual orientation—and they do not feel safe, says a new study released Thursday by the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network.

The national survey—of more than 3,400 students between the ages of 13 and 18—found that LGBT students are three times more likely as non-LGBT students to say that they do not feel safe at school. A stunning 90% say they have been harassed or assaulted during the past year.

In addition, 33% of respondents reported that students are frequently harassed because they are or are perceived to be lesbian, gay, or bisexual.

This is what happens when kids are raised to think not being straight is bad. And the only way to truly solve this problem is through education. If we don't protest the fact that most public schools don't teach anything about queers--instead opting to ignore us and only teach about straight, cisgendered people--this kind of crap will keep happening, and it will be harder to achieve respect, support and equality.

Hate Crime Legislation (or lack thereof)

Have you seen all the fundies get riled up over hate crime legislation? It's pretty scary. You'd think even the biggest homobigot would have enough compassion to not want gays getting murdered because of their sexuality.

But you'd be wrong. Because, according to said fundies, any hate crime legislation is going to make it legal for homosexuals to throw law-abiding, god-fearing Christians in jail for no good reason at all.

If you're missing the connection, don't feel bad. I'm not seeing it either.

And though it seems like these guys are just their own special kind of crazy, they're in the frickin' Senate and House. They can vote on these things. It's doubtful that they could bring down the legislation, but if Bush vetoes (which he has said he will), Congress won't be able to get the majority it needs to override Mr. President's veto.

"You Won't Get Hurt if You Come Out!", and Other Dumb Assumptions Made by Naïve People

(Some people are going to say that the title to this section is mean. I really don't care.)

Believe it or not, I actually had this thing planned out before certain things were said in the PCG. This is one of the things that gets me really ticked off, because I expect allies to be informed people when it comes to queer issues. Since, you know, they're allies. But, unfortunately, there are a special brand of allies that Just Don't Get It, "It" being that queers are a long, long way away from equality.

If you are a straight, cisgendered person who supports queer rights, it may seem peachy-keen for queers when you're at a GSA or youth activist meeting, where people can be themselves and not hide their sexuality or gender identity. And you know, I'm sure it seems like that at times to queers themselves, myself included. They're happy little bubbles, those GSA meetings. There are even towns that are mostly accepting of queers and show little animosity towards them.

But a straight, cisgendered person doesn't have to deal with what the real world throws at queers, because they're straight and cisgendered. When you leave that GSA meeting, or town, or whatever the safe space is, you can continue your life and be yourself with no worries or consequences. For most queer people, leaving a safe space means covering up and closing the closet doors, and letting very few people in. Allies have to remember that the safe havens that are GSA meetings and little liberal towns aren't the norm.

This isn't to say that allies are completely insensitive to everyday queer issues. However, being a straight, cisgendered person does mean that you've been raised in a society and culture that caters to you and pretty much ignores everyone else who isn't straight and cisgendered. Homophobia and transphobia are a part of society, and when you're a part of the privileged group that benefits from said phobias, it's harder to see the discrimination.

There are some common myths circulating about the status of queer people in the United States, and I want to get some things straight (no pun or slam intended):

1. LGBAP are still not accepted throughout the country. The most common myth seems to be that being gay or bi is almost completely accepted anywhere. I've heard it from lots of people. And there's so much proof against this everywhere that I have to wonder where the hell people are getting this from. Then, I remember: GSA meetings and tiny liberal towns.

Let's be frank. In a study conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health, they found that 64% of US adults considered homosexual behavior "just plain wrong", 50% believed that "male homosexuals are disgusting", and 45% believe that homosexuality "should not be condemned". That's right, gals. On average, we've got 45% of the US adult population saying, "Well, don't condemn them." So comforting. Have I mentioned that just because someone does not wish Hell's fury upon us, that doesn't mean they're totally accepting of homosexuality?

2. People like James Dobson, Jerry Falwell and those other fundies aren't just isolated nutcases. The late Jerry Falwell's congregation is estimated to be around 24,000 people, and his fundamentalist college, Liberty University, has about 20,000 students. That's a LOT of people, and that's just Falwell's following. Lots of other fundies are so famous and rich because they preside over mega churches, which tend to have thousands upon thousands of members. And then there are the people who don't attend the big churches, they just soak up what these preachers are saying. These guys aren't isolated or random wackos, they're extremely influential. If you haven't seen the Christian section of Christiane Amanpour's documentary God's Warriors, one, you should see it, and two, she found that most, if not all, of the people in these huge congregations go to their pastor to tell them who to vote for and how to vote. They don't think for themselves, they ask their pastors for guidance. That's more than just a handful of wingnuts, people.

3. Just because someone does not mind same-sex marriage does not mean they are totally accepting of homosexuality. I've touched on this before a couple times, but I want to make my point thoroughly: Accepting gay marriage does not mean accepting gays themselves. I've known people who've said that homosexuals are immoral deviants who have sex with anything that moves...but they can still get married. Homophobia comes in all kinds of degrees of intensity, from the kid in your class who guffaws at every gay joke to the local reverend who preaches that homos are going to bring about the end of the world. You can't assume that someone who is for legal equality doesn't carry their own prejudices. The world isn't two-dimensional like that.

4. Gay marriage/equality/acceptance is not going to happen if you just sit there staring out the window thinking about it. There are so many people who will say, "Homosexuals should have the right to marry and it's ludicrous that they can't. Why, the nerve of those who oppose it! Equal rights for all!" Following a quote like that, one would envision this person picking up a protest sign and marching down to their state legislature to demand justice.

Unfortunately, for the most part, these people don't do anything like that. They just kind of sit there, waiting for it to happen. "I can't wait for those gays to gain equality and marriage rights and adoption rights and blah blah blah!" That's nice. Are you going to do anything about it? This all comes from straight people, of course, because they can still live their lives happily while waiting for this all to happen because they're not deprived of marriage rights, respect, legal protection, job security and safety. If you really want something done about it, don't sit there waiting for someone else to do it. It's not something that's going to magically happen fifty years from now, we have to work to make it happen.


Just so guys know, once I'm done with my gender identity posts, I'm going to make individual posts concerning large issues in the queer community that affect everyone. These issues include racism in the queer community, homophobic "liberals" and gay Republicans (yes, they ARE an issue).